you more or less know where you thoughts are headed at any one time. it's like a map of your home country, you know the main roads and towns off by heart. or like being on a train you have been taking for your whole life since you turned seven, the train goes on and on and the stops are all known to you.
but on the morning of my last exam i woke up and had a feeling that everything, absolutely everything i had ever said, done, seen or what had reached my brain was in the wrong place in my head. it wasn't the kind of confusion when you just don't understand something in maths, but a complete chaos in my head. a mental disorder, in the direct meaning. the feeling was so strange, so out of the comfort zone. it's hard to describe, it feels like they have never made a word for it in any language.
got to pull things together, i thought and saw myself trying to get a hold on all the thoughts in my head, placing them back in the right places on the shelf.
fortunately or unfortunately, the train was back on track after i had looked through my history notes. now i'd do anything to get back that feeling, just to fuck with my mind the way it fucks with me now.
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